Bike + Train = ?

As mentioned in my carbon footprint results, I cycle or take the train everywhere (with the occasional walk or bus). So this post is about what happens when you try to mix the two, ie take your bike on the train? There isn't a simple answer to this (hence the question mark) because we have a variety of different train companies which have different approaches to fulfilling the law that requires that all trains must be able to carry at least 2 bikes.
So my experiences have been pretty variable and here's a guide to the different attitudes I have experienced:

• Northern Trains are the best of the bunch, with a clear space marked out for bikes on most of their trains (although a bit more difficult with the really old ones), no requirement for reservations and a general attitude that so long as you can fit it in without being a nuisance, they will carry quite a few bikes.
• TransPennine are generally pretty good, with a clearly marked area for bikes. They prefer people to have a reservation, but in my experience are not that concerned about enforcing this unless there are more than 2 bikes trying to use the space (in which case obviously the reserved bike would take priority).
• Cross Country trains are a good example of a long-distance carrier with a good bike policy, with 2 reserved spaces and 1 unreserved in Coach D (and always the same coach on every train: very useful when working out where on the platform to wait!) Unfortunately the bike spaces require you to hang your bike from a hanger, and are not long enough to park a bike in without using the hanger. This feels like it was designed for an average-sized man – I'm a woman on the shorter side of average so I find it fairly awkward. Having two bikes next to each other doesn't always work either: on one occasion while trying to remove the bike from the hanger, my bike got badly tangled with another bike, and both of us barely made it off the train at Sheffield which was not a pleasant experience.
• And finally, the worst train company I've encountered: Virgin Trains. They bought their fancy Pendolino tilting train from the Italians, the design of which is clever in many ways but completely failed to consider cycle parking. So their approach is that there are 2 spaces in the guard's van at the front of the train. Only a guard can let you in or allow you to reclaim your bike, and you may have had to walk a very long way with your bike to find it (12 carriages is more than 300m, whereas most train companies put their bike spaces in the middle of the train). This puts you in a panic especially if the platform is crowded or you're running slightly late. And the worst thing is, I have tried to board a Virgin Train when the train I had planned to catch was late. Even when there was no other bikes needing to be carried, they wouldn't let me on without a cycle reservation. I had to wait for the delayed train instead.

Unfortunately, my main conclusion from all of this is that it is much easier to take a folding bike and so unless I have a really good reason for using the bike the other end (eg a scenic cycle ride I want to do) I'm pretty unlikely to take my bike on the train on a frequent basis. And the requirement to have a cycle reservation is very restrictive if I am planning to go for a ride, because I don't know when I'll be finished. Why can't all train companies treat cycle reservations like seats? I think having a reservation should act as a priority ordering mechanism, not a bar to getting on the train at all.
This variability is one reason why privatisation doesn't work on railways: it is a natural monopoly. Passengers have no real choice about what train company we use because most journeys are only operated by one company (or occasionally a long-distance fast train and a local stopping service which takes twice as long, but is that really a choice?) It is therefore ludicrous to have a message every time you get off saying “Thank you for travelling with xxx ”, since the only choice I made was that I wanted to travel from A to B by train (not with a given company).
See also:
Calculating my carbon footprint: January 2014
Towards a Sustainable Railway (Part 1 and Part 2)
Making a Difference on Metrolink